Self-Advocacy for Kids and Teens with 5 Simple Steps

Self-advocacy is speaking up to get your needs met. This is a critical social skill for kids and teens to build since it helps them in all areas of their lives from academics and doing well in school to friendships and future employment.

Why Self-Advocacy is Important for Kids and Teens

Self-advocacy is important for kids and teens because it’s a way to voice your needs, stand up for yourself, and work through challenges. In short, it’s the best strategy we can teach children and teens to help them meet their goals. Rather than relying on someone else to solve a problem, we can teach learners to be the problem-solvers themselves through self-advocacy. This is an empowering and critically important skill for kids of all ages (and yes, it’s important for us as adults too).

What Self-Advocacy Looks Like

Self-advocacy can look different in different situations and scenarios. Here are a few real-life examples we might see in the lives of children and young adults.

• Raising your hand to ask a question in class when you don’t understand something.
• Sharing your opinion on a topic with friends or classmates, even if it’s something others disagree with.
• Asking for help on an assignment or project that is challenging.
• Expressing your true emotions by telling a friend how you feel.
• Speaking up for yourself when someone treats you in an unkind or unfair way.
• Saying no when you are uncomfortable with doing something.
• Speaking up and trying to problem-solve when you have an issue, such as not being able to see the classroom board from where you are seated.
• Offering a meaningful solution to a problem you are dealing with, such as offering to meet another day with a coach when one time doesn’t work out.

It’s important to remember that self-advocacy is not just a classroom skill; it’s a life skill. These are strategies that span all areas of our lives, from learning in the classroom to making friends to getting prepared for employment.

Teaching Self-Advocacy Skills

Just like reading skills and math skills, self-advocacy skills can be taught. As learners build these skills over time, they can also strengthen their confidence and become more independent.

Help your learners build their self-advocacy skills by teaching these strategies explicitly from start to finish. Use each of the steps below as a starting point, or grab the entire self-advocacy unit filled with over 50 activities to help kids and teens find self-advocacy success.

To begin teaching self-advocacy skills, start with the mnemonic SUPER. Mnemonics are an evidence-based approach to teach meaningful skills, making this strategy an excellent technique to integrate into what you are teaching. Each letter stands for a self-advocacy step that kids and teens can use to help them voice their needs and meet their goals.

Step 1: Stay Calm

The first step in self-advocacy is learning to stay calm. Let’s face it – having to advocate for yourself can be stressful and challenging. This can bring out all sorts of emotions. You might feel frustrated when you can’t figure out a math problem on your own, or you might feel upset when a friend isn’t listening to you. Staying calm and relaxed in the moment is important because when we are calm, we think more clearly. We make better decisions and we’re better self-advocators. We can learn the ability to get and stay calm through simple calming strategies.

One to start with is deep breathing. When we regulate our breathing, it helps to tell our nervous system that we’re safe and everything is okay. As mentioned above, this is foundational to being able to think with a clear state of mind. Before you are upset, get acquainted with some breathing exercises like bubble breathing and 4-7-8 breathing.

Another helpful calming strategy is positive self-talk. Using positive phrases can help you calm and refocus your mind. It also sets the stage for working through the problem at hand. There are countless positive affirmations you can use, so it’s important to find the ones that work best for you. Some favorites might include “I can do this,” and “I’m taking one step at a time.”

Step 2: Understand the Problem

Self-advocacy is problem-solving! Before we can actually solve the problem itself, we have to understand the underlying issue and challenges. You might start by asking yourself some of the following questions:

• What is the issue in the moment?
• How big is this problem from 1-5?
• What do I need to be successful right now?
• What challenges are standing in the way of what I need?

Once you have a deeper understanding of the actual problem at hand, you are in a much better place to problem-solve and get your needs met.

Step 3: Problem-Solve

Once we understand the problem, we can problem-solve to work through it. This involves listing possible solutions, considering consequences, and determining the best course of action. The solution for every problem is going to be different depending on the circumstance. This is why we all need lots of practice problem-solving.

Just a few problem-solving strategies might include:

• Making a plan – Example: Your math grade is low and you want to improve it by next marking period. You make a plan with strategies to help you get there.
• Trying a different way – Example: You are reading the chapter assigned for science, but you’re not understanding the topic. You decide to try another way by looking up some information online before going back and rereading.
• Expressing your feelings – Example: A classmate isn’t doing their fair share of the work on a big project. You tell them, “I feel frustrated that you’re not doing your fair share of the work on this. The grade and assignment is really important to me. Can we come up with a plan together?”
• Say, “No.” – Example: A classmate tells you that they want to copy your quiz, but you’re not comfortable with that. You say, “No, I don’t want to get in trouble.”

Come up with your own scenarios to problem-solve through, or use these self-advocacy scenario cards to give it a try.

Step 4: Express Yourself

Expressing yourself is being able to stand up and speak up when you need to. When you express yourself, it’s important to first think about how you feel and what you need. Use respectful and direct language to help you communicate well. Some examples of expressing yourself might be:

• To your teacher when you didn’t get a worksheet being passed out: “Excuse me, I didn’t get the handout. Could I please have one?”
• To a friend who said they would come over but then stopped messaging you back: “I feel upset when we make plans and then you don’t follow through. Next time, could you please at least message me and tell me you’re not going to be able to make it?”
• To a group member who is doing some problems wrong: “I’d like to try this way. I can show you how I got that answer.”

After expressing yourself, it’s important to listen too. If there is still disagreement between you and someone else, talk it out and use conflict resolution strategies to come to a better understanding.

Step 5: Reflect

Reflecting means thinking about a situation after it has already happened. It involves pausing to think about what went well, what you could improve for next time, and what lessons you can learn for the future.

Learning to reflect is an important component of strong self-advocacy skills because it’s the way we grow and build our skills for the future.

To practice self-reflection, think about the last time you advocated for yourself. It might have been raising your hand to ask a question in class or telling a friend how you felt. Consider these questions: What went well? What could have gone better? What lessons will I learn for the future?

This small act of reflection will help you strengthen your self-advocacy skills, confidence, and independence.

Learning More Self-Advocacy Skills

Learning strong self-advocacy skills can take extra work, dedication, and practice over time. If your teens are needing more of a boost, use these self-advocacy lessons and activities to bridge the gap. They help set the foundation by explaining why self-advocacy is important, teach the skills explicitly, and provide lots of real-life practice that your learners can take with them wherever they go.

Want more self-advocacy reading? Learn about 14 strategies educators and parents can use to help kids and teens self-advocate.