Behavior Management

What To Do When a Student Refuses to Work

October 15, 2018 by pathway2success 27 Comments

Throughout my years teaching middle school, I have had the experience of seeing many “work refusals”. These are the situations when kids, for a variety of reasons, just refuse to start the work you give them. They might shut down and rest their head on their desk or lash out in anger, shouting about how they just will not complete your assignment. This can be extremely frustrating for educators, especially when teaching a well-designed lesson that you thought would go so well! Let me say that sometimes our lessons themselves can have little or no impact on whether or not a student refuses to work. There are quite often bigger challenges at play that we’ll delve into. Quite honestly, even with a special education background, my college and training did not really prepare me for what to do when students refuse to work. These are skills and strategies I had to develop on the ground running while working with young adults. It’s an area I’m especially passionate about because all kids deserve to learn and feel good about themselves. It’s always important to remember that kids who are refusing are reaching out for help in some way, and you CAN be the one to help them.

Let me say that we ALL have bad days here and there! If a student puts their head down during a lesson and won’t finish an assignment because of a headache, it doesn’t mean you need to sound the alarm. This article specifically focuses on the students who repeatedly refuse to complete work and need specific targeted strategies to help them overcome these challenges.

What does work refusal look like? Really, it can be different for every student. Some students put their heads down and don’t pick them up, despite encouragement and prompting. Other students will look you straight in the eyes and say, “I’m NOT doing it!” while they are clearly expecting a response from you! Other kids might just ignore your directions completely and continue doing what they want to do, whether that is coloring, reading, or any other activity they are engaged in. All of these behaviors are work refusals because they are avoiding doing the tasks that the adult is expecting.

What are the reasons for work refusal? If a student is outwardly refusing to do work in the classroom, there is always a reason. Quite often, we don’t know the individual reasons. Some students have had a history of trauma. Again, we may or may not know about the potential trauma. Other students might be dealing with social or emotional challenges at home or in their personal life. Some examples might include a family divorce, a new baby at home, the death of a family member, and feelings of loneliness with a parent working increased hours. Those truly are just a few small examples. Sometimes, when the challenges in a child’s life become so difficult for them, they can have a need to control parts of their life that they can control (like doing work in school or not). Some learners might be diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder, while others aren’t. Regardless of the actual reason, it’s important to take a step back and recognize that the child or young adult is struggling with SOMETHING, whether or not we can see it. Thinking in this way encourages educators to be solution-focused, which is what really matters anyway.

Here are some simple do’s and don’ts for kids who refuse to do work:

DON’T:

Don’t just punish. If a child or young adult is struggling with some social or emotional challenges at the moment, a punishment is only going to push them away further. Your punishment will appear as harsh, mean, and uncaring. I know that educators do not intend for punishments to feel that way, but for many students, they do, including those with trauma in their past. This isn’t to say you should “let the student get away” with any behavior. Instead, you can use logical consequences, which I explain below.
Don’t send the student out of the room. I can’t stress this enough! As an educator, I know this is sometimes a preferred option because it deals with the situation swiftly. It does not fix the problem, though. In fact, it will most likely make it worse in the long-term. The student might feel anger and resentment towards you. The message you are sending is that you can’t deal with the situation and you need to send the student out to another teacher or the principal. If a student is just sitting at their desk and refusing to work, it should not be a reason to send them out of class. Kids and young adults are getting much more education being in your room and hearing the discussions than being in the principal’s office.
Don’t get in a power struggle. No one ever wins in a power struggle! So much energy is wasted is wasted and even if the student eventually complies, it will be filled with resentment. Read up on more ways to avoid power struggles.

Don’t just assume the child is lazy. So many times, it is often actually easier for the child to comply and do their work and refuse. So, it’s clear that there is something else in play. Reframe your thinking to remember that the child is struggling and needs your support.
Don’t act out of frustration or anger. When you start to feel frustrated due to a child’s behavior, remember this phrase: “He’s not giving me a hard time, he’s having a hard time.” There is no shame in taking a deep breath and walking away from a situation. As adults, it’s important we are calm and collected so we can make the best choices in each situation. It’s okay to feel frustrated with a situation, just don’t act on that frustration.
Don’t use threats. You might be tempted to say things like, “If you don’t do your work, I’m going to call your parents,” or “Finish this or you can’t go to gym.” Sometimes, these threats can only make a student dig their heels in deeper and you might regret what you’ve said later on. Instead, be mindful about what you say and make sure your consequences fit the crime.
Don’t embarrass the student. Again, publicly calling the student out might result in a power struggle or escalating the situation. Instead, consider ways to privately support the student to help both of you get what you need.

Do:

Keep teaching. Just because a student doesn’t lift their pencil up, doesn’t mean they’re not listening and learning. Continue teaching, talking, and even involving that student if they want to participate. Remember that the ultimate goal is to educate the student, not force them to work. If they are in the classroom, keep teaching them!

Give wait time. When a student refuses work at first, sometimes all they need is a little wait time. It’s okay to let them have their head down or keep their arms crossed. Use planned ignoring and wait to see if they come around within 5 minutes or so.
Ignore the small behaviors. If the student crumples up the paper, breaks their pencil, or scribbles all over it, avoid the impulse to tell the student they shouldn’t do that or give any further instructions. When things like this happen, the student is either agitated or attention-seeking. One intervention that will help in this instance is just giving space.
Be reflective. Consider what you could be doing that might be triggering the student to refuse to work. For example, are you using a harsh tone? Did you embarrass the student by calling them out for something right before? Sometimes, there isn’t anything apparent, but it’s always worth considering first!
Focus on the relationship. For many kids, relationship is everything. Put the work aside for a bit. Spend time with your student during lunch, talk with them after class, and really just get to know them. Teach them about you as a person, too! Once a relationship is built, many times your students will have a much easier time working for you because they know you care. This isn’t a quick process, but it’s always important and worth it. Read up on more ways to build relationships with kids and young adults.

Consider learning challenges. Sometimes students refuse work due to social and emotional challenges, but other times it might be because they think the work is just too hard for them. Consider if the student needs interventions with reading, writing, or math. Sometimes learners might even need direction instruction with executive functioning skills to help them get started and work through challenges. If you are a regular educator, consider discussing the student with the special education teacher or interventionist to get some ideas and strategies.
Meet with the student privately. It’s important that this is seen as supportive and not punitive. Talk to the student, ask them what’s going on, and problem-solve about how you could help. You might say, “I noticed your morning work isn’t being finished, what is going on with that?” When meeting with a student who is struggling to complete work, the most important thing is to just listen! Try to avoid interjecting your own thoughts about what’s happening or giving your point of view. Let the student talk and sometimes you might be amazed at what you learn. Perhaps the student shares that they hate where they sit because someone keeps talking to them, or that they haven’t been getting any sleep at night due to a crying baby. Be open-minded, listen, and be prepared to problem-solve with the student to help them.

Use logical consequences (and consider them ahead of time). Logical consequences are outcomes from behavior that make sense. For example, if a student is refusing to finish their morning work, a logical consequence would be using some break time later in the day to finish at least 5 problems or sending it home as homework to be done later.
Discuss those consequences with the student. Consequences shouldn’t be a surprise to your student. Let them know ahead of time in a positive way. For example, you might say to the whole class, “Everyone needs to finish their work so we can finish watching the rest of the movie.”
Use de-escalation strategies to help calm the situation. In the moment, it can quickly become a power struggle when a student outwardly tells you they are not doing the work. It is critical to know how to de-escalate a situation. My favorite strategy has always been saying, “Let’s talk about this later.” It gives you the perfect way out of a heated situation with a student while letting other students around know you’re not ignoring the behavior, you’re just dealing with it later. Read up on more de-escalation strategies and use this free printable de-escalation strategy worksheet.

Give choices. For students who struggle with work completion, consider giving limited choices for assignments. Limiting the number to two is usually best so that it’s not overwhelming, but it still gives control and choice. You might say, “Would you rather write about this prompt in your journal or draw a scene from the text and write a sentence about it?”
Consider reducing work. Another one of my favorite ways to give choice is to allow the student to choose which 10 problems they will finish. Similarly, you might ask the student to complete only 1 of the 3 essay questions. Sometimes educators have argued that this is making it too easy on the student. Of course, the ultimate goal is to get the student back to completing all the work, without a doubt. However, when a student is outright refusing to do work, completing just one item over none is a success. We all have to start somewhere.
Provide accommodations. Giving accommodations doesn’t necessarily make an assignment easier, it just gives more options for how the student approaches the task. Allow a student struggling with reading to listen to audio books. If a student isn’t writing, allow them access to a laptop. Give out a calculator to a student who gets fatigued with math problems (provided the math skill isn’t calculations themselves). Give a word bank, provide multiple choices, let the student use manipulatives, and so on.
Think about trends. Is the work refusal only happening during math? Or maybe during partner work? Maybe it’s only in the morning or in the afternoon? Think about these trends and really delving into the data can help inform your judgements about what’s really going on.
Consider interventions for task initiation. Our skills for task initiation are like the motor that starts us up. When kids and young adults lack these skills to get started, it can be extremely frustrating for everyone involved. Sometimes, kids don’t actually know HOW to start a challenging task or assignment. It’s important to consider if these skills are lacking when a child or young adult isn’t completing work, because they can be taught. Read up more on this blog post focused on interventions for task initiation skills.
Create an incentive plan, if needed. Sometimes educators are opposed to incentives plans, and I agree they shouldn’t always be a first strategy. However, there is a time when they can a struggling student work towards their goals. You might develop a contract that outlines what the student is responsible for and what incentives the student will get by completing work. A contract sets the tone that you will stick to your word so you expect that the student makes an effort to do the same. Find out what the student would like to work for, remembering that each individual student is motivated by different things (I’ve had some students who want silent drawing time and others who want to help the custodian, for example). My favorite way to find this out is by using a reward inventory. You can visit here to see more about my reward inventories, behavior plans, and contracts.

Collaborate with families. It’s important to note that the first time you call the family shouldn’t be to mention that the student isn’t working. I’m a huge believer in always calling to share something positive first. With that said, it is important to share concerns about students who are struggling to work in class. Be mindful of how you communicate this with families, too. Rather than saying the child is “refusing to work,” share that they are “struggling with getting started even on assignments that are at their level.” Collaborate to discuss if anything is going on outside of home with the child and if there are any other strategies you as the educator can try. Often, parents are more than willing to talk with their child and sometimes (definitely not always) this even fixes the issue from the start.
Focus on your own self-care. This is definitely not stressed enough in the world of education. Working with students who are refusing to work can be emotionally draining. Take time to focus on yourself when you can. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

10 Ways to Build Relationships with Kids

June 17, 2018 by pathway2success 2 Comments

Relationship building is the single most important way you can impact a child’s life. So often, kids actually can’t learn from someone they can’t connect with. I’m also convinced that building a strong relationship with a kid or young adult diminishes a huge number of behavior challenges. Many times I worked with students who were “behavior problems” in the classes of several teachers. Those teachers would think I was crazy when I would say, “They worked great for me!” and I’d even invite them to come to see those students work in the resource room with me. Building that connection is the best proactive strategy to support learning and classroom management. It’s a no brainer.

It’s critical to work on building those relationships early, because it gets harder if a student acts out in a class first. At that point, so often the teacher and student are already not getting along. Resentment builds and fixing that relationship becomes more and more challenging. It can be done, but it starts with us as the adults. So, whether you are just starting the school year or in the middle of one, use these strategies to work on building and strengthening your bonds with each of your students.

1. Talk to them about non-school related subjects. Ask about the local fair in town, how the pizza at the new restaurant in town is, and even debate what the best phone is at the moment.

2. Let them teach you about their interests. Letting kids teach their teacher can be very empowering for them. A few years ago, I worked with an 8th grade boy who knew everything about dirt-biking. He taught me about dirt-bike races, customizing bikes, and where the local places to practice were. I will be the first to tell you that you will never see me on a dirt-bike, but that did not stop me from learning! I even picked out my would-be biking gear if I ever did race. In my past years as an educator, I’ve learned about everything from My Little Pony and makeup to robotics and basketball. Find out what each student is an expert in, and let them teach you.

3. Remember things about their lives. During a lesson, activity, discussion, or just interaction in the hall, bring up something that you remember about that student. During passing time, ask them how their team did during the game over the weekend. During afternoon homeroom, strike up a conversation about a students’ family or trip they are taking soon. These small gestures remind kids that you really know and care about them.

4. Share about your own life. This is one of the strongest ways to build connections early on. Share about your family, pets, vacations, and activities you do outside of school. My middle schoolers loved hearing about my dog, Nova. In fact, we had an ongoing joke that if you wanted to distract me from class, just bring up Nova. This really helps kids to see you as a real person. It’s important to keep boundaries, of course, but a balance can and should be done.

5. Engage in activities with them. If you are after school and see kids practicing basketball, run in and take a few shots. It’s fine if you’re not a basketball star. Kids won’t care about that. Instead, they will love that you joined in. Maybe they can even give you tips about playing. Check-in with students during art club or cheer on a student at the track and field meet. I know the educators are busy. Note that you don’t have to stay the whole time or dedicate yourself to leading one of these activities. Just stopping in and showing you care will help strengthen those relationships over time.

6. Tell hilarious (and even embarrassing) stories. Sharing funny stories helps you show vulnerability in front of your students. It shows you are a real person. The time my dog barked ferociously at a snowman on a walk. When I spent a lot of money on concert tickets only to stand directly behind a 6’5” man (note that I’m 4’11”). The time I slid completely into a mud pile from my arms all the way to my toes. These real-life stories are great to bring up when you need to get kids’ attention or shift the energy in the energy in the room. And trust me, kids will remember these!

7. Share inspirational stories from your life. I loved sharing with my learners that I was the first in my family to go to college and paid for it myself. I let them know that it was actually my 5th grade teacher, Mrs. Therrien, who told me that I could be the first in my family to get there, and she was right. I also loved sharing with my students about planning my trip to California, somewhere I’ve always dreamed of going. These stories help kids see you as a real person, but also remind kids that they, too, can achieve their goals and dreams.

8. Do crazy things. Don’t be afraid to do something different or wild in the classroom to get kids attention! Stand on a desk or chair while giving important directions, sing a song about a lesson, or . I’m pretty sure I embarrassed my middle schoolers with my songs, such “Write your name,” (to the tune of Destiny’s Child’s ‘Say My Name’) and “Who Let the Students Out,” (to the tune of ‘Who Let the Dogs Out’). Most importantly though, these experiences stood out for the kids. It’s fine if you’re not super comfortable going all out. Start with just one thing outside your comfort zone!

9. Use their interests in your lessons and activities. Sometimes this takes a little bit of planning but can go a long way! If you’re studying percentages in math, talk about the percentages of shots someone on a basketball team makes. If you’re learning about energy in science, discuss the energy used in a race car. There are so many options for this throughout the year.

10. Apologize when you mess up. Making mistakes does not make you a bad teacher. It happens to everyone – even the best and most seasoned educators. We do need to own up to our mistakes when we make them, though. Really apologize when you make a mistake. For whatever reason, sometimes adults don’t like to do this, but it truly goes a long way in building trust.

If you need more ideas, check out my store for lots of resources and freebies you can use with your learners right away. You might also want to read up on other blog posts I’ve written, including:

If you love the 10 Ways to Build Relationships poster below, you can now get it as a free poster in my Free Social Emotional Learning Posters.

13 Ways to Avoid Power Struggles

April 15, 2018 by pathway2success 10 Comments

As an educator or parent, getting into a power struggle can be an awful thing. We waste so much of our energy trying to get we we want that we sometimes forget what our goal was in the first place. Power struggles can be especially difficult with kids with ADHD, autism, oppositional-defiant disorder, and other social-emotional challenges. After teaching middle school special education in a behavioral classroom for ten years, I’ve picked up a few strategies on how to avoid (and get out of) power struggles.

If you find yourself needing more support with de-escalation strategies for kids and young adults, consider this De-escalation Strategies Guide with a detailed educator guide, sample scenarios, proactive strategies, and de-escalation techniques.

Here are some strategies for avoiding power struggles that you can use right away:

1. Develop a relationship early on. This is by far the most important element to reducing power struggles with kids and young adults. Talk to kids about what they’re interested in and spend time learning about those topics. That often means talking about non-school related topics, and that’s okay. Time spend on relationship building is never time wasted. It’s a prerequisite for learning.

2. Hide your frustrations. We all get frustrated with students sometimes! When that happens, take a breath and walk away. Kids really need more positivity in their lives. By showing our frustrations, we are just making kids feel poorly about themselves instead of helping them reach their individual potentials.

3. Be kind. A kind tone and “please” really can go a long way. Sometimes this can be all the child or young adult wants. Other times, kids are so shocked that someone would ask them so politely, they just end up following through right away. Be reflective with yourself frequently about how you might be coming off to another individual.

4. Give the expectation and run. That means what it says! Literally tell the child your expectation or direction privately and then get out of there. Don’t give the child a chance to talk back to you or tell you they aren’t going to do it. Get out of there!

5. Ignore what you can ignore. If a behavior isn’t interfering with the learning of others, try to ignore it. Even if it bothers you personally (like pen clicking or tapping), let it go. Most likely, another student will end up politely correcting the child. This is really the best thing when this happens because kids listen to each other much more than they listen to adults! Additionally, sometimes our reactions are actually the reinforcement that kids are looking for. By ignoring many behaviors, we are helping to extinguish them. When you want to correct a behavior, consider if you can ignore it or not first.

6. Let the child or young adult get the last word. This seems counter-intuitive in the education world. Adults always feel the need to get the last word with kids, but so often it really does not get us anywhere except further argument! My favorite strategy is just to pretend I didn’t hear it when a student talks back or says something negative under their breath. Things like, “I’m not doing it,” and “This is a stupid project,” can just be completely ignored! It will make your life easier in the end.

7. Listen and validate. If a student is having a problem or starts to argue, listen to them without interrupting. Validate them by saying, “I see your point,” and “So what you’re saying is…?”. Spending that extra time just listening to a student and letting them have a voice can defuse power struggles before they start.

8. Explain your reasoning. Let students know, “I really need all eyes on me right now so I can explain the directions to the lab and then you can go off with your groups.” Kids need to know why they should be paying attention and following rules. So often, a simple explanation can make a big difference.

9. Give choice. It’s healthy for kids and young adults to have choices. On a math homework page, let kids choose any ten to finish. For a presentation, allow students to select whether to do an oral report, a multimedia presentation, or write a report. Even really small choices can make a big difference. For example, if you have a student who struggles working with group work, ask them to choose between two groups.

10. Be flexible. Kids and young adults need structure, of course, but adults need to show they are flexible and compassionate, too. Don’t get stuck on having one right way to do things. My favorite example is letting students use gel pens to complete their work. I have never in my life seen middle schoolers so excited to complete homework. If students are working and growing, it’s okay to be a bit flexible in how they do it.

11. Know how to back out of power struggles. Finally, if you do happen to get in a power struggle, here is a winning phrase that can stop the battle right away: “Let’s talk about that later”. It defuses the situation, lets the child or young adult know you will follow up, but puts the disagreement on hold. This is a great way for teachers to address the behavior without making a huge deal of it in the moment. It tells your other students that you are handling the behavior, just not at the moment. Get this list of over 50 free de-escalation strategies you can use right away.

12. Compromise with a goal in mind. Consider what your goal is for the child. Do you want them to finish an assignment? Work in a group? Finish their test? Stay quiet during a lesson? Be willing to make accommodations and compromise with the student in order to have them meet your expectation for them. Let’s consider an example. Let’s say a student is outright refusing to start their math homework. They tell you it’s too long and they don’t do homework. If your goal is to help that student work on some math problems, ask them how many they think they could finish before the end of class. Compromise on a number and assign only those ones. While it’s not where you want the student to be, it’s a stepping stone to get there.

13. Embrace the behaviors you can. If a student has their phone out in class when they shouldn’t, direct them to look up a question about your curriculum and then give them time to share the answer with the class. When a student makes a joke, make a joke right on back! This has to be done thoughtfully, but it’s healthy to embrace the challenges when you can.

If you are interesting in this topic, be sure to read my article on 50+ de-escalation strategies with a free printable list!

How to Make a Coping Strategies Wheel

April 2, 2018 by pathway2success Leave a Comment

One of my favorite ways to sneak social emotional learning into the classroom is by doing crafts. These activities can be hands-on, engaging, fun, and creative. Meanwhile, kids are still learning the critical skills they need. In particular, a coping strategies wheel is a great tool to help teach coping strategies to help manage stress. So often, we just assume kids know how to calm themselves down when they really don’t! That’s why teaching calming activities explicitly can be so helpful.

A coping strategies wheel is a spinner craft that reveals several different coping strategies kids can choose from. Kids can even make their own individualized wheel with strategies specific to them. This helps kids to “buy in” to coping strategies, since they have control over which strategies they want to try and use. After making the craft, kids can spin and practice the strategies. Later on, when the child or young adult is upset, they can even use the wheel to remind them about which coping strategies to use to help them become calm again.

Use these directions to make your own coping strategies wheel with kids and young adults. Feel free to use this Coping Strategies Wheel activity if you want to skip the directions and get to making your own wheels right away with directions, templates, and over 30 coping strategies ready to go.

1. Draw a circle. This will be the base of the wheel. Divide the wheel into fractions. The number is up to you. I prefer to have around five coping strategies to give kids several different choices and ideas for managing emotions. Cut out the circle.

2. Add coping strategies to each fraction of the wheel. You can have students add their own individualized strategies. It might help to use this free list of coping strategies to brainstorm ideas for each student.

3. Create the top of the wheel by drawing another circle of the same size but leaving a fraction of the wheel out. This will allow the bottom piece to show one coping strategy at a time. Have students design the top of the wheel. Encourage them to color it and write “My Coping Strategies” on the top of it.

4. Cut out the top of the wheel.

5. Place the top of the wheel and the bottom of the wheel together. Make sure it aligns to show one coping strategy at a time.

6. Place a fastener through the middle so the wheel can freely spin.

7. Encourage kids to spin their wheel to practice and discuss strategies as they go. Remember that kids will need lots of time practicing their coping strategies when they are already calm to effectively use them when they are stressed. That means you will need to dedicate time to practicing those strategies. Know that it’s truly not a waste of time. Instead, it’s an investment in social emotional health and learning.

Best of all, kids can keep their coping strategies wheels in their binders, in their desks, or in a calm down area. Encourage them to use their wheel when they are upset to choose a strategy that will help calm them down.

Feel free to make your own coping strategies wheel or use this Coping Strategies Wheel activity to print and make with your students right away. It includes over 30 unique coping strategies to include in each wheel or you can add your own! I also have a Managing My Emotions Wheel activity if these are crafts your learners love!

Helping Kids with Social Emotional Needs

November 1, 2017 by pathway2success 2 Comments

As a special education teacher, you would think the bulk of my job would be to pre-teach and re-teach academic content, provide educational supports, assess student growth, monitor academic goals, and provide direction instruction in a number of areas. While it’s true that special educators do all of those things (and way more), we need to spend a great deal of time supporting kids and young adults with their social and emotional needs. That helped me to realize that all educators are truly critical in supporting counseling needs to the students we work with every single day. Educators are often the first adults to develop a strong relationship with kids, mentor them, listen to their dreams and fears, and help them through challenging social, emotional, personal, and academic challenges. It’s clear that all of these added responsibilities make us not only teachers, but part emotional support teachers, too.

Over my years in the classroom, the school counselors and social workers have always been some of my best allies in helping kids with social-emotional needs. Working with them and following their guidance is critical. Still, we need to be prepared to provide social-emotional supports, too.

Often teachers feel that they are not trained enough to “act as a counselor”. I hear this come up when teachers have to teach advisory periods or morning meetings. While it’s true that all educators could use lots more training in this area, we must face the facts that we are going to be around these kids much more than a counselor or social worker will be. So, even when students are receiving counseling or social work support once or twice a week, we still need to be prepared to help these students throughout their day.

Whether you are a tenured teacher with years of experience or a new educator ready to start your career, here are some strategies for helping kids through social, emotional, personal, or academic challenges in the classroom:

Share photos of yourself with students and tell them about your personal life adventures.

1. Share about your own life. My students always love hearing about the silly things my dog did, the details of my latest vacation, what foods gross me out, and the challenges I’ve overcome to get where I am. Sharing bits about your life can help kids learn to trust you and build a lasting relationship. Bring in pictures, share experiences, and just really open up about yourself. This really is the foundation to being able to open up and make positive life changes. Of course, it’s critical to keep boundaries, but kids will understand you as a mentor and teacher more when they know about you as a human being.

2. Just listen. When a student talks to you about a challenge they are dealing with, it’s important not to give advice right away or act judgemental. Just listen, nod, and validate their thoughts. You can ask things like, “What do you think you should do?” and “What are some strategies you use to deal with that?”. At the right times, it is important to give support and advice, too. But listening always comes first.

3. Get to know kids. That seems obvious, but getting to really know and understand each student as a whole child can go a long way. That means taking the time to understand their background, where they have come from, their interests outside of school, fears, dreams, strengths, and struggles. Since time in the classroom can be filled with academics, it can be helpful to start the morning with a social or getting to know you routine, sitting with kids at lunch time, and even just being visible before and after class. If you sincerely make an effort, kids will notice.

Use reflection binders to help students see their growth.

4. Help kids see their growth over time. It’s important to remind kids that you can’t reach your goals over night. I love to use student reflection binders to help show students their own progress and growth. Whether the student is working on increasing grades in an academic subject, reducing times they get in trouble, or just getting to school on time more, students love to be able to track their growth over time. This also can lead to developing specific goals that the student work on throughout the course of the semester or year. It leads to lots of deep conversation about making positive changes and how goals can be accomplished.

5. Hide your frustrations. We all get frustrated with students sometimes! When that happens, take a breath and walk away. Kids really need more positivity in their lives. By showing our frustrations, we are just making kids feel poorly about themselves instead of helping them reach their individual potentials.

6. Collaborate with specialists. If you’re having continued issues in your class with a specific student or set of behaviors, reach out to the school counselor, social worker, psychologist, behaviorist, or anyone else who might have ideas. Chances are that a colleague will have specific strategies that you can implement in your classroom right away to work on whatever you are dealing with. Also, if a counselor or social worker needs to work with your student during your time, try to be understanding of this. You are both working on the same goals together.

7. Avoid power struggles. Growing kids and young adults often use power struggles as a way to test their limits. Some kids will use them more than others, though. For example, it’s the time when you tell a student to sit down and they cross their arms and look at you. So how can you avoid these power struggles? The first way is just to give directions politely! For students with behavioral or emotional challenges, a simple, “Let’s get ready to sit down in a minute,” goes a long way. Similarly, explaining your reasoning can help, too. You might say, “Can you sit down in a minute? I’m going to teach the rest of the lesson and it helps me if everyone is seated”. If you do happen to get in a power struggle, here is a winning phrase that can stop the battle right away: “Let’s talk about that later”. If you’re needing more ideas, get a list of over 50 free de-escalation strategies you can use today.

8. Provide structure and consistency. Many kids and young adults who struggle with social emotional challenges truly thrive on a great deal of structure. That structure might look different in every classroom or setting. It’s important to be fair and maintain high expectations for everyone. Most critically, just be there in the child’s life every day. Never give up on even your most difficult student, no matter how challenging any given day, week, or year might be. Your constant belief in them is what they need to survive and thrive.

9. Research topics. If you’re feeling uncomfortable or unsure about how to approach or discuss certain topics, feel free to research and learn from experts in the area. Don’t be ashamed that you don’t understand a diagnosis or challenge a child is dealing with. Instead, use that question to help you learn and grow! As educators, we are always learning. In an ever-changing world, it’s more important now than ever to have the best research in front of us.

For more strategies and ready-to-use ideas, check out my social-emotional learning materials. Remember that as educators, we must support not only academic, but social and emotional needs, too. Most of all, know that educators have such an important role in helping to shape the lives of kids and young adults. The words we say and the actions we take impact students in such powerful ways.

50+ De-escalation Strategies

October 15, 2017 by pathway2success 9 Comments

Being able to de-escalate and defuse situations with kids and young adults is an extremely helpful skill. Kids and young adults who become emotionally overwhelmed or irritated in a situation may begin to express their emotions in aggressive or violent ways. Some examples of these behaviors might include aggressive posturing, yelling, throwing items, swearing, and making threats. Quite often, without training, these situations become a power struggle between the young adult and the teacher. These power struggles only make the situation worse, though.

The best way to handle these types of behaviors is to de-escalate the situation as soon as possible. It’s very important to recognize that this does not mean letting the student get away with the behavior. Instead, de-escalation focuses on helping the student return their emotions back to a normal level. It is critical that the student is calm for a period of time before behavior and expectations are discussed again.

Kids and young adults with oppositional defiant disorder (ODD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), anxiety, and trauma are just some examples of those who need these strategies utilized to be successful.

If you need further training and support in this area, consider the De-Escalation Strategies Guide that includes extensive training materials, information on Oppositional Defiant Disorder, proactive strategies, reference lists, and a quick-guide to store in a spot for use on the fly.

Also, remember to download the free printable list of over 50 de-escalation strategies. They are ideal to keep on a board by your desk, in the team room, or in a binder to bring to student support meetings. Let me add that they are not only for teachers. Parents, counselors, and administrators could use them, too!

Here are over 50 strategies and phrases you can use when de-escalating a situation:

Act calm even if you’re not.
Say, “Let’s talk about this later”.
Use humor to lighten to mood.
Lower your voice.
Give a choice.
Walk away.
Ask, “What would help you right now?”
Change the subject to a positive one.
Give personal space.
Say, “I see where you are coming from.”
Distract with a positive photo of something they like.
Show that you are listening.
Remove the audience.
Say, “I want to help you.”
Talk about something they like.
Make a joke.
Encourage the person.
Remind them of something amazing they did.
Say, “You can do this.”
Call another adult for help.
Say, “Let’s call… I think they can help.”
Be willing to find a solution.
Offer to change the way you are doing something.
Re-state what the person is saying.
Validate their thoughts.
Avoid over-reacting.
Use active listening.
Offer a solution.
Let the person talk without interrupting.
Say, “I see your point.”
Offer to take a walk with the person.
Clarify expectations.
Remind them of something they love.
Apologize for something you did wrong or the way it was taken.
Invite them to do a preferred activity.
Ask if they can explain more about how they’re feeling.
Try to understand the person’s perspective.
Slow yourself down to avoid getting worked up.
Say, “So, you’re upset because… right?”
Don’t say “calm down”.
Show empathy.
Encourage the person to use a coping strategy.
Don’t take items or personal property away from them.
Encourage the person to take a walk or get a drink.
Give the person an “out” (i.e. letting them go to another room or walking away).
Ask, “Would it help if… ?”
Keep escape routes open to the door.
Coach the person with positive remarks.
Acknowledge where you agree with the person.
Remind the person, “You’re not in trouble”.
Tell the person, “I’m here for you.”
Say, “Talk to me,” and listen.
Tell the person to take a minute to themselves.
Ignore the behavior if it’s minor.
Distract by saying, “Hey, let’s go…”
Be respectful in your tone.
“Do what works” in the moment.
Spend time debriefing after the incident to identify ways to improve.
Ask them to draw a picture of what happened.
Avoid needing to get the last word.
Just give wait time.

If you love this topic, read my post on 13 ways to avoid power struggles with kids and young adults!

How to Create a Coping Strategies Notebook

June 1, 2017 by pathway2success 6 Comments

A coping strategies binder is a resource to help calm kids and young adults who are feeling angry, anxious, sad, or stressed. Within the binder, kids add coping strategies that work best for them, such as listening to music, drawing, practicing yoga, or using positive self-talk. Those really are just a few out of many coping strategies that can work for kids. The pages in the binder can include pictures, drawings, or steps to help remind them about the strategy. Best of all, the binder can be housed at a calm down center. Kids can also create duplicate binders to keep in specific classes, the office, the counseling area, or even at home.

If you already love this idea and want an easy way to get started right away, check out my Coping Strategies Notebook. It includes pre-made coping strategies notebook pages for over 20 strategies, such as listening to music, chewing gum, taking deep breaths, writing in a journal, and so much more. If you are working with older students, consider the Coping Strategies Notebook for Middle & High School.

Whether you choose to purchase a pre-made notebook or make your own, coping strategies notebooks can be a great tool for teachers, counselors, administrators, and even parents.

Here is how to make a coping strategies notebook:

1. Gather 1 binder for each student who will be making a coping strategies notebook. While it is possible to have one classroom coping strategies notebook, it’s best for each child to have their own. The reason for this is so that each child or young adult can select their own individualized coping strategies to add into the binder.

2. Have students design a cover page for their binder. This is important to help kids take ownership of their individual binders.

3. Explain and discuss coping strategies. You can use a free list of 100 coping strategies or develop a list of your own.

4. Identify specific coping strategies that will work for the child or young adult. It’s great to let kids choose their own strategies, but an adult might need to guide kids, too. You will probably have a good idea about what will work best for the student and the setting.

5. Create one notebook page for each strategy. Use this free Coping Strategies Notebook Sampler to print a coping strategies template page, along with sample cover pages. Have students list the steps for performing the coping strategy. It’s helpful for students to take this time to think about how the strategy will help them, too.

6. Take time to practice each strategy. It’s critical to practice coping strategies when the child is calm, so that they can use the strategies in times of stress. While practicing, you can even take a picture of the child performing the coping strategy and add it into the binder. For example, if listening to music is a strategy that helps, take a photo of the child listening to music with headphones on. Print it and add it right to the notebook.

7. Continue with several coping strategies that may work for the student. It’s great to try a variety of strategies so see what works best for each individual student. It’s very important to note that what works well for one child may not work well for another.

8. Keep the binder in a calming zone or place the child can go during times of anger, anxiety, or stress. Encourage students to use the binder to remind them of their strategies when they are feeling upset or stressed.

To get started right away, try this Free Coping Strategies Notebook Sampler with sample pages you can fill out and use with your students. If you need pre-made coping strategies notebook pages and differentiated materials, consider the Coping Strategies Notebook for elementary kids, or the Coping Strategies Notebook for middle and high school kids. Both the elementary and middle/high school versions include everything a counselor, teacher, or parent needs to implement a coping strategies notebook of their own.

10 Best Times to Practice Mindfulness in the Classroom

April 17, 2017 by pathway2success 2 Comments

Mindfulness means being present in the moment with your thoughts and feelings without making judgements. It is being aware of what is happening but not being overwhelmed. Practicing mindfulness on a regular basis can help you feel calmer, happier, and be more in tune with yourself. People of all ages and abilities can practice mindfulness, including kids and young adults. Some people practice mindfulness for different reasons, too. If a child gets nervous before a test, it can help calm them down and regain focus. If a young adult struggles with controlling their anger, it can help them control emotions. And if someone just wants to feel a bit happier (who doesn’t?), it can help take away negative thoughts. Overall, practicing mindfulness can be helpful in so many different ways.

There are many different ways mindfulness can be practiced. Some strategies include practicing slow breathing, mindful observance, mindful listening, walking meditation, yoga, or even mindful coloring. If you need specific materials to start teaching mindfulness, consider this ready-to-go mindfulness activities guide. The mindfulness activities include listening to music, coloring, making crafts, and much more. Best of all, activities are specifically tailored to kids and young adults.

Here are the 10 best times to practice mindfulness in the classroom:

1. At the beginning of a morning meeting. Start the day together with a positive intention. This helps kids to get centered for the day ahead while leaving any emotional challenges they have at the door. It’s a great way to begin a fresh start.

2. After lunch or recess to help bring the class back together. It’s easy to say that lunch and recess are two of the biggest sensory-overloads kids experience all day. Rather than trying to fight that, turn the day around by meditating for a few minutes. It can become a signal that “we are back in the classroom now”.

3. Before high-stakes testing to help focus and calm the mind. So many kids and young adults get extremely stressed over high-stakes testing. Even the ones who don’t say anything may be experiencing a high level of anxiety and worry. Spending a few minutes mindfully relaxing can help kids de-stress and do their best on the test.

4. In small group counseling sessions to promote relaxation. Many kids and young adults just do not know HOW to relax. Much of their time is spent at school, playing sports, playing games, being online, and checking their phone. Unfortunately, none of those activities promote relaxation. Arrange a small group of kids that meets on a regular basis to practice mindfulness strategies. Anyone can do this, including a special education teacher, counselor, psychologist, social worker, or even regular education teacher. By setting up this small group to practice mindfulness, you can explicitly teach these relaxation skills that so many kids desperately need to cope with stressors in their lives.

5. In between class transitions to provide a mental break. Transitioning from one task to another can throw an entire class off. Transitions provide the perfect natural break to practice mindfulness and relaxations.

6. At the beginning of a resource class or independent work session. One of the greatest elements to mindfulness is that it can help clear the mind. Dedicate five minutes or so to practicing mindfulness just before an independent working session and the benefits will last.

7. Small group counseling sessions to teach strategies for anxiety. Kids and young adults with anxiety need to learn coping strategies to help them through their challenges. Mindfulness and meditation are some of the best ways to deal with anxiety. Remember to try several different techniques to help find ones that work best for individual students. Also, note that many kids struggle with “invisible anxiety” and may benefit from these strategies without ever having the actual anxiety label documented.

8. Let partners or small groups practice before a test or quiz. Any type of assessment can be overwhelming for a number of students. Practicing mindfulness techniques just before a test or quiz can help kids get their thoughts together and feel more confident before they take on an assessment.

9. Just before an assembly or guest speaker. Big assemblies can be extra-challenging for many kids. Some students may feel anxious about the change in schedule, while others may have an extreme difficulty in keeping their thoughts to themselves for that whole time. Try practicing some mindfulness and relaxation strategies before such an effort to reduce challenges.

10. Anytime (just for no reason) to show that mindfulness can be done anytime and anywhere. While there are many times that are ideal to practice mindfulness strategies, it’s important to recognize that you can practice it anywhere and anytime! Use it when the class is getting a bit loud, a group of students are having trouble focusing, or you just need to set a calm tone. Sometimes just taking a mindfulness break can do the trick. And best of all, you don’t really need a reason to do it.

Use this Mindfulness Activities resource to teach and practice mindfulness with kids and young adults right away!

Teaching Kids How to Relax

March 4, 2017 by pathway2success 1 Comment

Relaxation is a skill that promotes health and well-being for people of all ages- including kids! Too often in school, we are all rushing to get through our days, complete our work, and fix the problems that come up. It’s easy to forget that kids need time to relax and de-stress, too. There are many health benefits to practicing relaxation. It reduces feelings of worry and anxiety, increases blood flow to muscles, reduces feelings of chronic pain, improves concentration, reduces feelings of anger and frustration, and boosts self-esteem.

Use these five simple techniques to teach and promote relaxation in your classroom:

1. Play calming music during tests, quizzes, and independent work time. You can choose whether to use meditation music, nature sounds, or instrumentals. Not only will this promote a calming effect on the classroom, but it will help kids who struggle with attention, too. Background music can really help kids with attention issues, such as ADHD, since it allows them to focus on their task instead of always focusing on interfering background noises and interruptions.

2. Build a yoga time into your day or week. Kids actually love having a daily exercise or warm-up time. Yoga can address that need while encouraging a way to relax. Research shows that yoga can reduce feelings of sadness, anxiety, and depression. It helps kids and young adults develop coordination, focus, and self-awareness. If you aren’t comfortable teaching yoga on your own, there are many online videos and tutorials you could play for the class. To make it even easier on a teacher, you can use relaxation task cards with kids. The cards help students learn and practice strategies to help them feel more calm and relaxed. Some of the strategies focus on yoga techniques and postures, while others focus on visualizing and even being a little silly.

3. Practice meditation. After recess or a big activity, turn the lights off. Have kids sit at their desks, close their eyes, and just meditate. This is tough at first because kids honestly do not know how to calm their own bodies and minds. It can really help re-center kids, though, before getting back to work.

4. Teach mindfulness activities. Help kids and young adults practice mindfulness to help promote happiness, attention, and emotional control. Mindfulness activities can often include listening to music, coloring, practicing mindful breathing, learning to be present in the moment and much more. Use these mindfulness activities to find even more ways to practice mindfulness in your classroom.

5. Practice slow breathing techniques. Being able to control your breathing can really help you control your emotions and your thoughts at the same time. It can be fun to practice slow breathing to the beat of a drum or using a “breathe board” like shown below.

And while you are teaching kids to relax, make sure you give time for yourself to relax, too!

Practicing Coping Strategies (with a craft!)

January 13, 2017 by pathway2success 7 Comments

Having a “toolbox” of coping strategies is critical for a child or young adult to deal with challenging emotions. Sometimes the emotions are due to anxiety, depression, anger, stress or other strong feelings. Regardless of the reason, it’s important to teach, practice, and choose coping strategies that work for each individual child.

Using a Coping Strategies Fortune Teller can help with all of those things in a fun, interactive, and hands-on way.

It’s best to have an example fortune teller already made for students to view and play with. Show your students how it works and explain that coping strategies are listed inside.

Next, share the list of coping strategies with your students. Discuss the strategies in small groups or partners. Have students identify their top 8 coping strategies. Remind them to choose activities that they think will help them personally. It’s okay that everyone has different coping strategies!

Hand out the Coping Strategies Fortune Teller. Have students fill it in with colors and their top 8 coping strategies. It’s fun to color the entire fortune teller, too.

Students will cut out their fortune tellers and then use the directions to fold their craft together. Let students practice their coping strategies by playing with their fortune tellers in partners or groups. Encourage students to read each others’ coping strategies and even practice them, when appropriate. This can be a great activity in small groups to discuss strategies and identify what works best for each individual student.

Best of all, kids can keep their Coping Strategies Fortune Teller for times when they need extra support. They can use it to help them pick a coping strategy when they are feeling anxious, stressed, sad, or angry.

Get your Coping Strategies Fortune Teller Craft to make with your students or clients. You can decide whether you want kids to make their own with individualized strategies or you can use the template already provided. It’s fun, easy, and will have lasting effects for kids and young adults who need support with coping strategies.

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